Why does change take so much courage?

Change is a constant in life. It is the one thing we can be sure of, the one thing we can count on. We can be sure that things will change and we will evolve. If this is the one thing we can count on as an absolute in life, then why do we come up against such resistance to change?

As humans, we like to attach ourselves to things – to feel safe, to create a sense of Self, to give some meaning to who and what we are here for. Things, places and people can help us feel comfortable and safe. We need some sense of familiar. Especially if we have any unsecure attachments styles, which most of us do. There’s also nothing wrong with needing familiarity and consistency. We all have a need to feel safe.

The resistance to the change that is being asked of us seems so daunting so we find ourselves pushing against it like we are trying to move a brick wall. But the brick wall is closing in on us and we find ourselves with less and less wiggle room the harder we resist our friend change. It is uncomfortable and we like comfort, but if we are here to grow then we must become friends with discomfort. This discomfort is in letting the old version of who you were go, and welcoming in the new one. The discomfort is here to prepare you for the new person you are becoming. The One you are meant to become. Trust who you are becoming.

Everything you know about yourself, or everything you have decided you know about yourself is adaptable. Most of the beliefs we have about who we are, or who our ego believes we are is just a set of ideas we have made up to attach ourselves to. Think about it, people can say that they are “who they are” and that is just who they are. But the only reason they won’t evolve or change is because they are scared to. You can attach yourself to pretty much anything, a way of dressing, eating, living. All of that is some idea that you’ve come up with about yourself and who you are or who you have to be. You have the ability to change anything once you decide that you have a new standard for yourself.

Who you are at your core is so much more than any material thing, any way of eating, any way speaking or behaving. You are a beautiful being of pure Love. Somewhere along the way your heart was broken, and probably broken again. Tiny love cracks get in. They change us and the way we see the world. But we don’t have to live by those old stories. We can set a new standard. Once we attach ourselves to a new way of being in this world, we will naturally do everything in our power to prove that standard and live by it. We will look for any means we can to confirm our new standard for ourselves.

Think of any major life change you have successfully made. It was probably because you set a new standard for yourself and became unable to accept any less for yourself. You evolved and attached to that new version of yourself.

We are always evolving, we are not ever just “who we are” nor are we ever stuck in any one pattern or behaviour. But it is a choice and the choice is not a simple one. It is a deep knowing, a GUT knowing. That something bigger is being asked of us. Something stronger burns within you for more. And when we listen to that burning inside there is no telling exactly how great the gifts ahead of us are.

Once we decide and stand by our new vision for ourself, not much can get in our way because we will always find our way back to that truth. The Universe will always be guiding us back to our truth…and if we don’t listen we will only hurt more. The denial will become harder and more painful. Listen for your truth. Get really quiet and listen. The journey won’t be easy. Listening and deciding is only the very beginning. Small or sometimes really huge steps of action are required. Saying no to what longer serves. Saying yes to new and uncomfortable things that we know will benefit us in the long run. Letting go of whatever “idea” we had about ourselves and who we were up until this point. An action, a habit or a behaviour doesn’t define you. But it does tell a story about where you’re at. So let that story be a fucking incredible one.

Choose habits that are Soul-serving, not Soul-numbing. We spend too much of this life distracted from our truth. Distracted from nature, from real beauty. Trying to escape our inner world. Too much time running from the fountain of tears that beg to be cried. Stop running. Be still and cry. Feel it all. You’ll survive it. You already have.

Freedom, Security and Emotional Exhaustion

We all want to feel free. What does freedom feel like? It feels like we can be our full, authentic true selves. We are wholeheartedly accepted for who we are and what we have to offer this world. We feel free from judgement, criticism and shame. We feel unconditionally loved. We crave this feeling at the core of our being.

Freedom feels big and vast and spacious. It can even feel scary. We may not even know what to do with it. Part of the reason it feels scary is because we are afraid of our own power. We are afraid of the true potential of who we really are and everything that we can bring to the world. Our gifts are boundless and our capacity to Love is greater than we know. Our ability to feel is stronger than we allow ourselves to acknowledge.

We have been trained and taught how to shut our feelings down. How to avoid, how to constantly carry on and carry through. How would it be if we allowed ourselves to feel the uncomfortable things? If we let ourselves shift gears – into a slower way of being? If we didn’t consistently push and rush and expect things to happen instantly? What would change within us if we allowed ourselves to experience the full cycle of our emotions?

Emotions, or feelings, are literally always “in-motion”. Nothing you feel right now will last forever. Not the good or the bad. Things will evolve. Things will change. If this year has taught me anything it is that change has to be expected. We have to learn to dance with the change.

Individually and collectively there are so many of us that feel burnt out from this year. Emotional exhaustion is a clear symptom of burnout and it can happen when there isn’t enough time and space to complete the cycle of an emotion. Not surprising since most of us are way busier than our bodies want to be. Our body is the space-holder for all emotions. They live and are stored inside us. We must give ourselves a safe container to process our emotions fully. This happens in time as the body feels ready and safe to do so.

Just as much as we crave freedom, we crave security. We need to know we are loved. We need to know we are cared for. These are not superficial needs – they are very real human needs – as much as we need food and water. We need to know someone values and sees us. We want to be seen for who we are at a Soul-level. We want the validation that we are inherently GOOD. That we matter. That we are doing an amazing job – that the work we do and the effort we put in matters. We want to feel appreciated.

How can we feel both free and secure in relationship? This seems to be the struggle in almost every relationship. Two people with different backgrounds, experiences, ways of thinking, and ways of coping. How can both people feel free to be authentically who they are and also feel safe and secure within the relationship? This I feel is a lifelong learning. One that requires a great deal of patience, learning, vulnerability, compassion, empathy and our own inner work.

For myself, I know that when I start to feel burnt out or emotionally exhausted, I need to tend to my needs. I need to slow down. Have a bath. Get a massage. Read a book. Journal, meditate, give myself time and space to feel. Sometimes I need to cry, sometimes I need to watch a funny movie. Cook myself a good meal. Spend time in nature. Connect with loved ones. Sometimes talking isn’t even necessary but just knowing someone is there for you can make a world of difference. Sometimes there is comfort in silence. Petting and playing with my puppy helps me feel grounded and connected to another being. It takes me out of my head and my spinning thoughts.

This year has been a huge learning, a process of adapting to new situations and circumstances. A process of letting go and opening up. A process of losing myself and finding myself over and over again. A process of understanding my own wounds, my own triggers, my own hurt. Understanding how big my heart is. How deeply I am able to love and how much I crave love and acceptance.

These are far from easy times for any of us. Let’s not forget that the state of the world affects us as well. This year demanded more than we were prepared for. The growth was extremely uncomfortable. Still – there is beauty to be found in it all. We are being asked to open ourselves in ways that are difficult for us. We are being asked to take stock of what is truly important in our lives. What are the relationships, the people that matter to us? Let us remind ourselves to be kinder than we have been because those around us are suffering in their own way – even if we don’t understand it.

What is our important work in this world and why do we do it? How do we help others and what does it fulfill inside us?

I am challenging myself, as we move towards 2021 to show up with more kindness, more compassion and more understanding than I have ever shown before. Because the planet needs it right now. People need it right now. And I need it too. The healing that needs to happen in the world starts as an inside job.

Much Love,

Raina Aurora xo

Within time

Translation of these beautiful French words:

“ I love you in time. I will love you until the end of time. And when the time is up, then I will have loved you. And nothing of this love, like nothing that has been, can ever be erased.”

– Jean d’Ormesson, French novelist (1925-2017)

Wild Love

90ECC234-E3D6-4094-A018-6760E9727BAELove is funny. It comes around and then it leaves…except it never really leaves because the imprint of its memories live on within our hearts. We become flecked with its gold dust. Love stays for awhile sometimes. Yet we make the mistake of thinking that Love is something we can hold onto or cage. Love is a free bird – it flies where it feels free. Caged birds are trapped and do not feel Love. They feel small, they feel depressed. They think longingly of the wide open skies in which they once soared close to the heavens.

Control is the opposite of Love. I have tried to use control as a way to catch Love. It doesn’t work that way. But the attempt to control as a means to secure Love is an “adaptation” some of us learn early on. It’s an attempt to get our needs met – our very human need for Love. We can get trapped into thinking that if we “control” the variables, we can “control” the outcome. This is limiting because the ways in which we adapted in order to try and get our needs met as children no longer serve us in adult relationships. Control creates co-dependency, conflict and distance. Control breeds judgement and disconnection and ultimately more pain.

Security is different than control. Security is entirely necessary in relationship. A sense of security brings trust and openness. Secure relationships behave very differently from controlling ones. When we are young we desire to go out and explore the world. Everything is exciting and new and our young minds are growing and expanding so quickly. Security means we can go out into the world and know that our care-givers are there watching us and welcoming us back with open arms. We feel safe and secure to explore. Most of us did not experience life this way – either our caregivers were unavailable to us physically or emotionally, or they consistently made us feel that we had to do things by their standards. Or they simply were unable to really see us or acknowledge us and our big ideas or little wins as much as we needed. So many of us did not learn a “secure” attachment style. We either became more anxious or avoidant. Or a combination of both. Now, as an adult, trying to build a securely attached, healthy, Loving relationship can feel a bit daunting or difficult.

This thing we all crave and desire at the Core of our Being – this LOVE. It is not submissive – Love is wild and free and Soulful. Love is Her own force field. Her own element in nature. Love is the Universe. Love is holding us all together. Love brought us here. Love must be released into the wild – into it’s natural habitat. Among the birds and the fishes and the trees. Loves breathes deeply in the forest.

We were not meant to be tamed or caught. If we want to be in Love – we must become it’s energy. We must learn about it’s nature. We must adopt it’s freedom and flow. Love is not a contract or chains or vows. Love is the energy of the purest place in your heart. Seeing another’s Soul. Seeing their goodness and uniqueness and expansiveness. Love is feeling those things in Yourself. That is true Self Love.

Love is Sacred. You are Sacred. Untamed, a free bird flying – heart open.

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The Universe is Polarized

We are all full of polarity and contradiction. We desire comfort and structure, yet crave spontaneity and adventure. We want rhythm, flow and routine – but we feel bored when we start to follow the same patterns. Existing within us is the groundedness of the mountains and the fluidity of the ocean. We are ever-moving and flowing, while at the same time remaining solid and structured. Our bodies are tangible and weighted and yet the energy that exists within us and around us is airy and not quite graspable in the physical form. We are both energetic and material beings. These two things co-exist and operate together, influencing each other simultaneously. When we become physically stronger, our energy picks up. When our energetic field becomes clearer, we attract a higher vibration to us. We are less easily taken off course and become stronger in our path and purpose. We are our own anchors.

We are both of these things (energy in motion and a physical being). That is why human beings are so complex and intriguing. We want new, yet we fear letting go of the old. We dream of things lasting forever and we dread things staying the same. Yet nothing truly lasts forever and things rarely stay the same. For things to stay the same we must exert alot of energy into resisting change – which actually creates resentment. That resentment follows us until we release what we were spending so much energy trying to hold onto. That release is when we are leaning into the change and the natural flow of the world.

Often, the actual letting go is easier than the anticipation or thought of having to let go. When we let go of something that was no longer serving us, we create more space for the things and energy that does serve us. Two things happen when we let go: we feel pain and we feel relief. It is healthy to titrate between these two places. We cannot feel all pain all the time, yet we cannot simply avoid the pain and stuff it down. We have to allow space for both to show up. The polarities of pain and relief help us to restore to a more natural, balanced and open space. Our hearts open, we see bigger. We look around and our perspective has broadened. We appreciate more. We trust in ourselves and our ability to do hard things.

We start to trust in our own innate Power – now we can feel it is real and it lives within us. It is the very core of us. We love the feeling of being powerful. So much so that we will spend our lives looking for that Power everywhere out in the world, except the one place it truly exists – INSIDE OURSELVES. This is the one place that our Power always has been and still resides – burning, smouldering, waiting. This Power is ours for the having and it is entirely sustainable.

It is sustainable without all of the “things” we think we need to feel powerful. Our unique gifts, these precious jewels inside us – that’s our Power. The Universe is very clever and She is always testing us to see if we are ready for our Power. Giving us little riddles to solve and mysteries inside ourselves to decode. We are constantly being presented with opportunities to show up for ourselves in big and small ways. These opportunities are always gifts in the form of lessons. The decoding of our own mystery isn’t actually the hardest part. The hardest part is the willingness to do it. Once we start accepting and leaning into our Power and Soul – the answers are actually all very accessible to us. It starts by choosing to be open, willing, curious and hungry.

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Loneliness

Loneliness feels like the grey sky

It feels empty and cold

It feels vast and unforgiving

Loneliness feels like nothing and everything at the same time

It feels heavy and yet I feel like I could float away

 

A drifter in a sea of tepid waters

Float on little drifter, find your way

Out into the big blue – I know you’ll be okay

 

Love feels like ice and chains

Love feels impossible

Love feels like a safe haven

Until it’s not

 

Loneliness sinks in again

Surrounding and drowing

Gasping for air

Let me live again – I want to live where the Love lives.

 

Inside my own heart

There is Love

A force unreckonable and wise beyond all hell

A force so strong

She will never let me sink

She will always keep me afloat

Even if it feels like I’m on the brink

 

My own weary heart,

Weary of love but still a believer

Never lose sight

Never stop trusting

Loneliness feels like hope

 

Hope that I am still here

Existing , feeling this

Moving though this

One day at a time

Searching for moments of peace and knowing

 

Knowing my own heart

Scars, fractures and all

I love my heart

She is strong

She is capable

She is boundless

She searches for the purest and deepest Love

The Love She can give Herself.

 

 

Loving My Shadow

What does it mean when we talk about our shadow self or our shadow side? First of all, we ALL have one. Everyone has a dark side, a side of us where the hurt lives. A part of us that was wounded and still carries those wounds. Sometimes the amount of pain we feel inside can be overwhelming. So overwhelming that we actually don’t feel it – we numb out, we avoid, we distract. Because it’s too much. We aren’t meant to feel all of our pain at once, it is meant to be uncovered and healed with time. With safe spaces and supportive environments. Have you ever noticed that once you enter into a committed and safe relationship, your pain starts showing up in ways you hadn’t experienced or been aware of before? Our bodies know when we are supported in some way and send us signals that it is time to unload some of what we have been carrying. Most of us have a hard time feeling the deeper parts of our pain until we feel some sense of safety. Sometimes, however, things can bubble over or we are triggered and the core wounds reveal themselves. They offer us a little glimpse of what is really there inside us…if we get curious enough to pay attention.

Giving our inner selves this kind of attention isn’t easy, because it is not promoted in the dominant male narrative aka Patriarchy. We were taught to shut it down, to avoid our feelings and to keep driving ourselves to the point of exhaustion. Being in a state of perpetual exhaustion works simultaneously with avoiding our inner selves. We can’t do the work when we are too tired. Being over-burdened and under-appreciated is the state in which Patriarchy operates. Women suffer. Men suffer. People are depressed and anxious and desperately trying to find some sense of meaning through the newest, next “thing”. The better house, the more luxurious car, the expensive sporting equipment they won’t use, the new pair of jeans they don’t really need. Only to find it is never enough, it somehow never quite feels like enough.

That shadow part of you is still lonely. That loneliness still feels too unbearable without that next thing or next project. When I feel down, or even when I feel happy, I like to shop for clothes. That’s my “vice” you could call it. It’s my way to avoid staying with that loneliness or that feeling of “not good enough”. Do I think I should cut shopping out of my life altogether? No…another piece of the truth is that I love fashion and I see it as a way of outwardly expressing Myself and my style says something about who I am. But what I wear doesn’t say everything about who I am, not even close. So – yes, shopping is my security blanket, my loneliness or “not-good-enoughness” antidote. I have to be aware of that. I also have to carry compassion for Myself and allow Myself something that does bring me joy. There is a balance somewhere, and I don’t have it all figured out yet.

What can I do to Love my Shadow Self a little more? That part of me that is a scared little girl? That part of me that does feel lonely, that craves feeling seen and validated, who is scared of being abandoned, who is worried She didn’t do enough or do it right. That little one inside who longs for true acceptance. That shadow Self who yearns to feel Loved, whole-heartedly for who She is. I can sit with Myself, BE WITH those parts of me. Not abandon Myself and my needs. Ask Myself what I truly need to strengthen my Life Force. My needs can change daily, even hourly. That is normal and totally okay. If I know what I need and can communicate it with respect and integrity, that IS Self Love. Wether or not someone else can meet those needs is for them to decide. It doesn’t actually have much to do with me (or say anything about my worthiness of having those needs met). When we Love someone, however, we do try and meet each others needs if and when we are able to.

How can I learn to start meeting some of my own needs? It’s a continual learning, and I won’t get it right every time. But getting it right isn’t exactly the point. The point is the time spent with my Shadow Self is never wasted time. The point is I try my best. And that’s enough. Totally and completely enough.

Much Love,

Raina Aurora

We Bleed

Because we feel lonely

We feel unloved

We feel separate 

From ourselves and each other

 

Without our mothers

We are raised

To fight until we bleed

All the way down

Hearts left wide open

 

We bleed still

Wounds uncovered

Pain unleashed

Attack and defend

Until the end,

 

We bleed.

Unseen and scorned

Shamed into submission

This life is a lie

We keep on living

 

It was supposed to be

More beautiful than this

So much more

We dreamt it to be

 

Now this is it

This is all we have

Each other, raw

Vulnerability at its finest

 

Behold our paths laid out before us

Which will we choose

Will they be

Together or separate 

United or divided

 

Headed or sealed tightly shut

Stuffed and re-buffed

Until all the shiny finish is gone

There is no more hiding

Everything is in plain sight

 

Will we accept each other

Scars, marks, bruises and all

Adaptations, protections and shields

There is no absolute certainty

In this trepidatious time

 

Will we choose the light

While accepting all of the shadows

That illuminate this light

Freedom awaits

But only for those brave, those courageous

 

Those wise love warrior souls.

Until then, we bleed.

 

Trauma…what is it anyway?

I’m going to start by telling you a story. This story is about me. About 5 years ago, when I began experiencing anxiety in a big way, I literally had no idea what was going on with me. My body felt so strange and the sensations I was feeling felt so scary that I literally thought I was dying. I took myself to the emergency room twice because I didn’t realize that what was happening was a panic attack. If you’ve ever experienced a panic attack full-on, then you know how scary they can feel. I won’t go into too much detail of describing what that felt like, because I wouldn’t want to trigger someone else who is reading this, and I also don’t want to re-trigger myself. Those times were very, very scary and are difficult to talk or write about.

Back to my story…when I went to the emergency room the doctors checked me out and said that I was very healthy. They checked my heart, they did an x-ray and checked my vitals. They asked me if anything major was stressing me out in my life and I said no, not that I could think of. Of course, there was plenty stressing me out in my life I just didn’t want to admit it. The doctor recommended I talk to my family doctor and also consider getting some counselling. I went to see my family doctor at the time who was pretty useless and just wanted to prescribe me some addictive anti-anxiety pills. Tricking my body into thinking it wasn’t really anxious didn’t feel like the right thing to do, so I didn’t even get that prescription filled. **(Sidenote: there is nothing wrong with being on medication, but what he was prescribing was more of a “quick-fix suppressant”. Talk to a doctor who is experienced in working with mental health issues if you are looking to go on or off any medication.)

I had recently started to see a therapist around this time. Honestly, the level of discomfort I felt in my body and the anxiety I felt were so intense that I had trouble believing it had anything to do with any past experiences. I was convinced at the time that there had to be something physically wrong with me and I was terrified of dying (this fear still comes up for me). After a few weeks of me describing my symptoms to my Mom, She suggested that what I might be experiencing was something called post-traumatic stress response (I was later evaluated by a mental health specialist). My Mom knew the symptoms well because she had experienced it herself only a few years prior. At first, this idea seemed crazy to me. Post-traumatic-what?!! That didn’t make any sense to me at the time because I didn’t believe that I had experienced any trauma!! Sure, I knew that I had been through some hard stuff…but who hadn’t? These very real physical bodily sensations (body pain, tingling sensations, numbness and what felt like energy moving around my body, hyper-alertness) were in no way, in my mind, due to something that happened in my past. After all, the past is the past – I had moved on and had always been super tough and got through things pretty well…right?! My point is this: I LITERALLY WAS IN COMPLETE DENIAL OF MY OWN TRAUMA. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT IT EXISTED.

Just because I couldn’t remember all of my trauma or wasn’t conscious of the fact that it actually happened, doesn’t mean it didn’t exist. Trauma isn’t just “a bad thing that happened to you”. It’s not just a memory. Oftentimes, as a way of protecting ourselves, we actually don’t remember much. This is our way of defending ourselves from our trauma when we are not equipped to deal with it in a real way. Not knowing how to deal with trauma is totally NORMAL, especially when we are young. That’s why our memories fragment it and push it away so that we don’t have to deal with it until we are ready. When we are ready to heal (and even that is not usually a conscious decision) memories sometimes return to us but they are fragmented, so we only remember bits and pieces. What we remember and what we don’t doesn’t actually matter…because WE WILL NEVER THINK OUR WAY OUT OF TRAUMA. The experiences live in our bodies. They will stay there and take up valuable space in our bodies until we actually re-connect with our true Selves and feel into what is there in our bodies. This isn’t something you can usually start doing on your own. It requires a well-trained somatic therapist to help you though this and guide you. It isn’t something you just start “doing”. It is a learned practice, and the more you practice the easier it will be, to be with your body in this new way. You actually won’t want to go back to any other way because this is true Self-connection. It will feel so empowering that you will only want to grow into further understanding yourself.

I have seen 3 somatic therapists over the past 5 years and each time I continue to grow. Each time, with each new therapist, I am ready for a new level of healing. A new level of understanding myself. The work is never “done”, I just get hungry to know more. It is my ultimate life journey. There is no greater understanding of anything or anyone other than yourself. I am the person I will have the most important relationship with. So if I’m not good just being with me…I’m not gonna be okay being with anyone. Until I’m really, really okay being completely in Love with Myself, I will just be looking for someone to fill that space. I will be looking for someone to fill me up, instead of learning to fill Myself up.

The good news about our bodies is that all of our positive experiences are also stored within us. So when we are working with our trauma it can be very helpful to “titrate” between these two places…the place of pain and the place of comfort and joy. A good therapist will know how to guide you through this. Other good news is that the work does get “easier”. Well, I don’t know if easy is the right word but it feels easier because you understand what the work is and you know more of what to expect. So when you feel super shitty or scared or vulnerable…you accept these uncomfortable feelings easier. Learning radical acceptance with the trust that the discomfort will pass is huge. You also develop tools to help you though those tough and sticky places. I have learned so much about my Body and getting to know what my Body likes and doesn’t like and what is comforting and soothing to me. So when I get into those anxious spaces, I usually know how to give Myself the environment I need to re-balance/re-centre/re-harmonize. Sometimes I can’t give Myself this environment right away…so until then I BREATHE. Seriously just breathe…stay with your breath. Sit and just pay attention to your breath for at least 2 minutes a day and do this several times a day or as often as you remember. Sometimes I am adrenalized and don’t even realize it until I start sitting with my breath. Then I come back to peace, I come back to ME.

Final Thoughts:

The work of healing and recovering from my trauma has been the most important work of my life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It has given me my sobriety, the ability to Love more fully, to feel deeper, to experience greater intimacy, greater bliss and more joy. Ultimately, I feel more fully ALIVE. I feel more Myself… my True Self. It’s kind of like when you workout your muscles – they will tear and you will be sore and feel pain. BUT – your muscles repair themselves and when they recover they are even stronger than they were before. They can bear more weight, recover quicker and also help your body overall to metabolize fats, carbs and proteins. Just like working out our muscles, our emotional healing is painful at first. Usually we don’t even want to do it. But after we find our groove, the rewards are huge and the possibilities for our lives are more magical. Working through my trauma has made me so much more RESILIENT. This is something I didn’t understand for awhile but now I really do get it.

There is sooo much more I could say on Trauma – it deserves an entire encyclopedia. These are my thoughts for now and I could say more on the affects of NOT doing your trauma healing but I will leave it here for today. Turn towards your feelings, not away from them. They are your teachers, your friends. Choose openness. Many situations in life are actually an opportunity for growth and healing, should we choose it. Choose, as always, Love.

Much Love,

Raina Aurora

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ocean

Sitting here on this dusky evening, it is blue hour. Everything has an indigo hue with touches of the softest pink and lavender in the clouds. Sunset is my favourite time of day. The lighting is mysterious and magical, as if to say…there is hope yet for another day. Rest your eyes, calm your mind, ease your heart. Rest, my child and all will be well. The sky loves you and the earth loves you. The ocean is here for you. The ocean IS you, wave by wave…breath by breath.

I watch two birds flying simultaneously alongside eachother. For no apparent reason, they decide to fly apart and away from eachother. Off they go, in different directions. One flies over towards the buildings and one flies over the ocean. Their parting was seamless. Perfectly in sync and flawless. I wonder…will they meet again? Will these birds fly together again someday? Do they even know eachother? Or were they just happy to fly together for a short time? They don’t appear to question it, they just do as they are called to do. Clear and precise.

The sound of the waves caressing the shore is soothing. It clams every part of me from the inside out. Here I find peace…or maybe peace has found me. I was still long enough for peace to see me and sit with me awhile.

The sky majestically grows darker blue. I continue to sit on my rock. It feels firm and solid and supportive. I trust it to hold me here for awhile. I’m not sure how long I will sit but that doesn’t seem to be the point. The point is that I continue to notice the peace. Breathe it in deeply. Exhale it evenly. Nothing else seems very important in this moment. I know that I am held.