Expect there to be shit and be ok with it.

AdobeStock_12514430Anyone with the slogan “Posi-vibes only” as their life goal should just live in a room full of shiny pillows while only eating cream puffs for the rest of their lives. Seriously tho, take your positive vibes and suck it. It’s a crock of shit. Let’s get real for a minute here, no one on this earth (unless maybe you are a buddhist monk or have transcended the human experience) is positive all the time. Cuz fuck, complaining feels GOOD. Especially when you have people to complain with or to complain to. Commiserating together is a great feeling. But it’s not lasting and doesn’t hold much integrity. Also, no one is happy all of the time. Like when people say “I’m just a happy person”….um no you don’t get to own one single emotion that defines your entire being. It’s not possible and actually makes you inhuman. So if you are a “happy person” all of the time, I suspect you are probably disguised as a nasty troll. 

The happiest people I have met in my life actually experience a wide variety of emotions at deep levels. They feel incredibly sad at times, furiously angry, and yes they also experience feeling totally blissed the F out. You can’t possibly BE happy all the time because if you were never sad, you would have nothing to compare happiness to. So happiness would just be a perm-state in which you live, making you a toad. I bet even toads get pissed off sometimes, sitting on those slimy rocks. Until they catch a juicy little fly on their tongue and they’re like, fuck ya! These slimy ass rocks be so worth sittin’ on! 

Basically, I believe that the degree to which you have felt pain also allows you to experience that same degree of blissful joy. Not saying you’re gonna feel super joyful just because you felt sad yesterday, but do know that you are CAPABLE of feeling joy to that level. People who want to be happy all the time and won’t accept any negativity in their lives are basically too uncomfortable with their own pain to be exposed to any of yours. Hell no they don’t wanna hear that shit! Cuz it stirs up their own unresolved pain! Now, I’m not saying you should just roll over and let people bulldoze your emotions with their trauma stories. However, depending on your won capacity of course and this will be different for everyone, maybe it is ok for people to share like a toy size Tonka truck of their pain with you. Lend an ear, be curious, listen, perhaps relate through your own experiences. Show empathy. 

Back to my “positive vibes only” tribes out there…can I just hit you with a little dose of beautiful realness please. In this crazy time of instagram fame and twitter scandals, people are bombarded with people’s best stories, their best selfies, their best OOTDs, their best vacations etc etc. We are posting as if to say, look at me, my shit’s on LOCK every damn day. But no, your shit is NOT looking primo every damn day. I know mine isn’t. So now we have subconsciously registered in our minds that is it NOT ok to be unhappy, or to feel sad, or joyless, or depressed, or anxious. We feel anxious because the world is telling us we need to feel good. We are told that not feeling good is not okay. And we are buying it. We are believing that feeling shitty is somehow really really not okay. We are then trying to find the quickest way to feel better. Let me tell you – the easiest and quickest way to feeling happy or better is most often not the healthiest, nor does it have much longevity. Unless it’s petting a puppy or a bunny.

Can I just give you a giant myth buster right now?! FEELING SHITTY IS 100% OKAY. It’s OKAY to feel lost, or anxious, or depressed, or disheartened, or sad, or vulnerable. These feelings are real and they are meant to be felt for a reason. Expect to have challenges in life, expect things to be hard. Especially things that are really worth having. Except there to road blocks, detours and hiccups – metaphorically and literally. You can’t escape it so may as well embrace it. What you DO have control over is what you do next when you experience these challenges. Where do you go from here? How do you respond when life stretches you to new places? What will your very next move be? What will your next small but mighty step be? What is life trying to teach you? What lessons are here to be learned? What awareness is there to be gained?

Hoping you all have a good, or bad, day. Whichever is in your best interest to grow to new heights tomorrow.

 

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