Tired

Lately I’ve been feeling so drained. Like there’s always something to do, something that needs to be done. But I can’t keep up. I feel like the hamster on the wheel, spinning and spinning with no end in sight. What are we spinning for? I find pockets of joy and laughter but they are not often enough. I eat healthy and get enough sleep. I don’t drink or smoke and I get regular massages. I just feel listless like point of life is missing. There’s something missing. And yet I have SO much to be grateful for. So much Love in my Life.

I feel the collective pressure of society, of the patriarchy, to do more, to be more. Like what I am and just being is not enough. I know it’s a lie but the energy it takes to fight this lie is painful. It drains my fire. I miss quiet and leisure, simply doing things for the pleasure of doing them.

Society values money, not healing. It values bigger stuff, better stuff, more expensive stuff. The more money we make the more tired we become and the more tired we become the more things we buy to attempt to make ourselves feel better. But we don’t. We feel worse and more stretched and then think we have to make more money for all the more things we need to make ourselves feel better.

It’s crazy the amount of money I have spent on healing – bodyworkers, RMTs, Cranial Sacral Therapy, Somatic Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Medication, Naturoptah, Yoga etc. etc. I always consider this to be the best money spent because it supports my healing and my livelihood. But what if we were just…”WELL”. What if we weren’t busy af burning ourselves out and learning to crawl out of overwhelm. What if we just lived a life that support us? Supported our health? What if that became our number 1? How much more would be prosper – emotionally, mentally and physically. Maybe even our bank accounts would rise.

I’m tired of living in a culture that doesn’t support my inner world.

But yet – I am also GRATEFUL for the amazing supports that I have found and do have. Because they help me shine. And I know there are other goddess warriors like me out there. But tell me if you ain’t been feelin like your best self recently. Or for awhile. Tell me if you feelin’ what I’m saying. Tell me if you just feel a deep, deep tiredness like the kind that sleep can’t fix. The kind that only months spent lying by beach with the salt water breeze in your hair can fix.