Month: January 2020

When I first began my journey of healing my trauma, I didn’t really understand what was happening to me. I had never experienced anything like this before, nor had I been aware of anyone else going through such things. When I talked to people about what I was experiencing I would usually just tell them that I was experiencing anxiety – which was true. But that wasn’t the full experience. It was just easier to say. Easier for some people to understand that way. Anxiety has been a huge symptom of my recovery, but it doesn’t all boil down to an “anxiety disorder”. These terms help people to understand what the symptoms are and what they feel like and they organize and group symptoms together which is helpful. But what mental health labels like “OCD” or “Anxiety Disorder” don’t do is describe the entirety of a person’s experience.

Healing has been a journey of peaks and valleys – my healing crisis began with anxiety and panic attacks. But there has been depression, flashbacks, PTSD, panic, worry, fear, overwhelm, great joy, freedom, opening, softening, boundary-setting, love, deep sadness, loss, grief, immense growth and strength. Anxiety is a symptom, not a “disorder”. What lies underneath the anxiety, what are the root causes and contributing factors? Those are the things we need to be addressing in order to heal. That isn’t to say that you shouldn’t also treat your anxiety or OCD in healthy ways – you certainly should. But you need to be treating not only the symptoms but their causes as well. Otherwise you are just throwing a cloak over a bear. Finding ways to resource yourself is so important. Self Care has been one of my biggest lessons – and learning to trust my intuition, my body, my instincts. Learning to forgive Myself and love Myself more deeply and truly than ever.

Resourcing yourself while simultaneously addressing the healing of your trauma and inner wounds is the real key.

 

For me, resourcing Myself can look like any of the following:

–Going for a walk in nature or by the seawall

–sitting in a park and feeling the grass underneath me, connecting with the support of the Earth

–cuddling with my partner or pet

–meditation

–epsom salts or aromatherapy baths

–soothing music (spa or light acoustic)

–massage from someone you trust (partner, parent, friend, RMT, bodyworker)

–just sitting with yourself and being quiet, allowing time and space to be

–journalling, making lists, organizing

–de-cluttering an area of my home

–talking/sharing in a meaningful way with a friend/parent/partner

–cooking a nice, comforting meal for yourself and/or others

–spending quality time with family, friends, loved ones

–engaging in grounding activities like cooking, cleaning

–simply knowing that being in My human Body and having my experience of the world is enough

 

Doing the healing work around my trauma can be any of the following:

–going to regular therapy sessions with a trusted, professional therapist who is trained in trauma

–cranial sacral therapy

–accupuncture or energy healing sessions

–being in a supportive, loving and safe relationship

–developing close friendships with supportive people

–speaking up for myself when I’ve been hurt

–setting healthy boundaries in all areas of my life

–being kind to myself

–being an example to others, so they may begin or continue along their healing paths

–mending relationships with parents or family (when possible)

–sharing my experience and letting go of shame through sharing in a safe space

–working on owning my feelings, understanding my emotions

–being able to own and apologize when I have hurt someone else (this can be tough for me in some situations and I am still working on this one!)   **also important to note: I may not have intended to hurt someone, but that’s not the point. I can still be curious about their feelings and take ownership if my BEHAVIOUR was hurtful. This doesn’t mean I am “wrong” or “bad”. It simply means that my words or actions had an impact on someone else, knowingly or unknowingly. It is my responsibility to recognize that.

Trust is something we all crave. We all truly want to trust, and we want to be trusted. To be trusted is to be believed, and everyone wants their story to be believed. Because when you are believed you are important – you matter. Your part and your presence in the Universe matters.

As I was laying in bed this morning, cuddled up next to my little dog, I started thinking about trust. Her little face was close to mine, so close I could feel her breath on my skin. She was half asleep and very content. Tiny little sighs and her soft little exhales made me feel comforted, and let me know she felt safe beside me. I started then thinking about how she was so close that she had the capability to harm me…she could bite my nose or scratch me if she wanted to. But I knew that she wouldn’t. I trust her. And vice versa, if I wanted I had the capability to harm her – I am much bigger than her. But I would never harm her or want to cause her any harm. So, my little dog was laying comfortably on the pillow next to me, belly exposed and in total dream-state bliss. She trusts me. How is this level of trust established? We do it with other humans, too. We innately want to trust. We want to believe that people and animals are good. And I believe that we are all born good.

Trust is built over time, layer by layer. You cannot have a healthy relationship without trust. But sometimes, trust gets broken along the way. Trust can be broken in various ways, not only by the obvious ones such as infidelity or physical harm. Trust can be diminished through a slow decline of acknowledgement or unkind words said. It may happen so slowly that you don’t even notice for awhile. But after some times passes, you don’t quite feel like yourself anymore. You become more fearful and more easily triggered. This is the state I find Myself in. But I know that I don’t have to stay in this space. I can choose to do something about it. I can set some healthy boundaries and pursue the best way to take care of myself.

To gain that trust back it requires repair. Repair in the form of active listening, of ownership and sincere apology. I believe it is possible to forgive someone without apology, but it is not possible to fully trust them again without one. That is why apology is so important in relationship. Apology is the acceptance that your actions or behaviours (intentionally or unintentionally) have hurt someone else. I think it is safe to say that we have all hurt and been hurt. Some of us at deeper levels than others. Everyone has their own time needed for repair. I believe that repair is possible, but it takes both parties being open and willing. Observe the situation with an eagle-eye perspective. The ability to look beyond ourselves and our own pain means the letting go of one’s ego…stepping into a clearer awareness. However we must first be able to recognize our own hurt and where it comes from, before we can fully accept someone else’s. This is the path to repair. This is the path back to love.