Heartbreak

When it feels better to be sleeping than awake

When you have no appetite

When you want to mindlessly eat a pint of ice cream and you still feel numb

When it feels like a part of you is missing

When something inside you feels empty

When you are looking for something to fill up the empty space inside you

When your dog licks the tears off your face and you feel a little better

When you feel relief

When you want the pain gone even if you don’t want them back

When you try and bargain with yourself how much time you will take to get over them

When you revisit scenarios in the relationship and question your actions & behaviour

When you wonder if it was your fault

When you blame the other person

When you feel rage towards the other person and wonder why you put up with their bullshit for so long

When you can’t see yourself for how amazing you are

When you want to attach to something so badly it gnaws at you and you feel ravenous for love

When you don’t want to love ever again because you are afraid of being hurt

When you wonder how long you will be alone for

When you wonder why your relationships don’t work out

When you tell yourself you will be replaced

When you feel not good enough or compare yourself to others

When you feel anxiety and the fear of being replaced

When you wonder how much you mattered to that person

When you just want to be alone with your emptiness and depression

When you want to be around others so you don’t have to feel the emptiness or depression

When you make yourself do things because you know you will feel better if you do them

When you try and plan fun things for the future to take your mind off of the loss

When you question why you ignored the red flags in the beginning

When you seek therapy

When you read books

When you listen to podcasts

When you do things that you’d been putting off

When you start painting again

When you start running again

When you learn to love yourself

When you learn that you don’t need someone else to fill you up

When you listen to sad music on purpose and cry

When you watch funny movies to cheer yourself up

When sharing a laugh with a friend feels like a saving grace

When you look back at photos of the relationship and try to process the love and the loss

When you remember the love

When you remember the fights

When you tell yourself you will feel better soon

When you tell yourself, you’ve been through worse and gotten through it

When you know your old abandonment wounds have been triggered and that this is adding exponentially to the pain of this experience

When you know you need to heal your wounds before you can be whole with someone else

When you know that to love is a risk, but you would take it again

When you find comfort in the sadness and the grief, because it is evidence that love existed.

When you slowly but surely, move on and move forward in your life. Even when it doesn’t feel like you are – know that you are. Day by day, moment by moment. You are finding your way home to yourself – claiming a new version of the glorious YOU.

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