Dear little one,
I would imagine that you are feeling so scared right now. So unsure and uncertain…it probably feels like your whole world has been turned upside down. In a way, it has. These are big feelings to feel, and they can feel really intense and scary. You might not even know how to name them or say how you’re feeling right now.
I know you are very sad because I cry with you, and for you. Remember that tears are healthy and healing. It’s so good to let it out. These feelings you are experiencing are so normal, especially with everything you’ve been through and are going through now.
I am here for you now, and I am so sorry that I wasn’t so many times before. I didn’t know how to be with you, and I’m still learning. I turned to external things to try and feel better, which in turn only made you feel even more alone. I chose people who only repeated the cycle of abandonment, and scraped at the wounds you already carry inside. Those wounds run deep, and they are so painful and heavy to carry around. It’s okay to feel the sadness and the pain, because now I am here with you. I will be here with you every step of the way.
You are my angel, my Love, my light and softness. You are the gentle and sensitive parts of me. You deserve all the Love and attention that you crave. You are worthy of my Love and attention. I am so sorry I left you when I kept trying to find another to help myself feel whole. I didn’t know that I could feel whole on my own. By giving you my Love and attention, I won’t need to reach and seek for another like an addiction. Please forgive me for looking to the wrong things and the wrong people, I didn’t know any better at the time. I was trying to do what I thought I needed – trying to feel whole in the ‘wrong’ ways. I just felt more and more empty – as you felt more and more alone. This makes me feel so sad.
As I looked at your picture this morning I really saw you, felt you. You were so small and innocent, so wild and free. You are a part of Me, living in Me and through Me. We are One. You were so happy playing on the beach in the sand, looking at the little ocean creatures. You Loved your Mom, Dad and Sister so much and felt so close to them. Such a pure curiosity about the world. Nature was such a joyous place. Perhaps that is why I find such peace and centering in nature. Grounding among the trees and hope looking out at the sea. We have such a belonging to nature, You and I. We feel free here, to just BE. To be in our bodies, in our joy and belonging to Ourselves. It feels like Love. It feels like Home.
Here I am, my sweet little angel. I am here, for you and with you. I promise. Take my hand, or run free like the sea, just know I’ll be watching and protecting. I got you. I Love you my little girl.