Love is funny. It comes around and then it leaves…except it never really leaves because the imprint of its memories live on within our hearts. We become flecked with its gold dust. Love stays for awhile sometimes. Yet we make the mistake of thinking that Love is something we can hold onto or cage. Love is a free bird – it flies where it feels free. Caged birds are trapped and do not feel Love. They feel small, they feel depressed. They think longingly of the wide open skies in which they once soared close to the heavens.
Control is the opposite of Love. I have tried to use control as a way to catch Love. It doesn’t work that way. But the attempt to control as a means to secure Love is an “adaptation” some of us learn early on. It’s an attempt to get our needs met – our very human need for Love. We can get trapped into thinking that if we “control” the variables, we can “control” the outcome. This is limiting because the ways in which we adapted in order to try and get our needs met as children no longer serve us in adult relationships. Control creates co-dependency, conflict and distance. Control breeds judgement and disconnection and ultimately more pain.
Security is different than control. Security is entirely necessary in relationship. A sense of security brings trust and openness. Secure relationships behave very differently from controlling ones. When we are young we desire to go out and explore the world. Everything is exciting and new and our young minds are growing and expanding so quickly. Security means we can go out into the world and know that our care-givers are there watching us and welcoming us back with open arms. We feel safe and secure to explore. Most of us did not experience life this way – either our caregivers were unavailable to us physically or emotionally, or they consistently made us feel that we had to do things by their standards. Or they simply were unable to really see us or acknowledge us and our big ideas or little wins as much as we needed. So many of us did not learn a “secure” attachment style. We either became more anxious or avoidant. Or a combination of both. Now, as an adult, trying to build a securely attached, healthy, Loving relationship can feel a bit daunting or difficult.
This thing we all crave and desire at the Core of our Being – this LOVE. It is not submissive – Love is wild and free and Soulful. Love is Her own force field. Her own element in nature. Love is the Universe. Love is holding us all together. Love brought us here. Love must be released into the wild – into it’s natural habitat. Among the birds and the fishes and the trees. Loves breathes deeply in the forest.
We were not meant to be tamed or caught. If we want to be in Love – we must become it’s energy. We must learn about it’s nature. We must adopt it’s freedom and flow. Love is not a contract or chains or vows. Love is the energy of the purest place in your heart. Seeing another’s Soul. Seeing their goodness and uniqueness and expansiveness. Love is feeling those things in Yourself. That is true Self Love.
Love is Sacred. You are Sacred. Untamed, a free bird flying – heart open.