When it feels better to be sleeping than awake
When you have no appetite
When you want to mindlessly eat a pint of ice cream and you still feel numb
When it feels like a part of you is missing
When something inside you feels empty
When you are looking for something to fill up the empty space inside you
When your dog licks the tears off your face and you feel a little better
When you feel relief
When you want the pain gone even if you don’t want them back
When you try and bargain with yourself how much time you will take to get over them
When you revisit scenarios in the relationship and question your actions & behaviour
When you wonder if it was your fault
When you blame the other person
When you feel rage towards the other person and wonder why you put up with their bullshit for so long
When you can’t see yourself for how amazing you are
When you want to attach to something so badly it gnaws at you and you feel ravenous for love
When you don’t want to love ever again because you are afraid of being hurt
When you wonder how long you will be alone for
When you wonder why your relationships don’t work out
When you tell yourself you will be replaced
When you feel not good enough or compare yourself to others
When you feel anxiety and the fear of being replaced
When you wonder how much you mattered to that person
When you just want to be alone with your emptiness and depression
When you want to be around others so you don’t have to feel the emptiness or depression
When you make yourself do things because you know you will feel better if you do them
When you try and plan fun things for the future to take your mind off of the loss
When you question why you ignored the red flags in the beginning
When you seek therapy
When you read books
When you listen to podcasts
When you do things that you’d been putting off
When you start painting again
When you start running again
When you learn to love yourself
When you learn that you don’t need someone else to fill you up
When you listen to sad music on purpose and cry
When you watch funny movies to cheer yourself up
When sharing a laugh with a friend feels like a saving grace
When you look back at photos of the relationship and try to process the love and the loss
When you remember the love
When you remember the fights
When you tell yourself you will feel better soon
When you tell yourself, you’ve been through worse and gotten through it
When you know your old abandonment wounds have been triggered and that this is adding exponentially to the pain of this experience
When you know you need to heal your wounds before you can be whole with someone else
When you know that to love is a risk, but you would take it again
When you find comfort in the sadness and the grief, because it is evidence that love existed.
When you slowly but surely, move on and move forward in your life. Even when it doesn’t feel like you are – know that you are. Day by day, moment by moment. You are finding your way home to yourself – claiming a new version of the glorious YOU.
Facing Yourself 